Social media helps keep people connected, but it also has negative side effects. It helps people say cruel things with the armor of a cell phone screen between themselves and the victim. Some people may react by being cruel themselves, and the cycle of cruelty and harm continues. But, there are of course people who choose to not let outside forces affect their own well-being. I call these people superheroes because I think these are the people we should look up to. Generally speaking, their lives are usually better and they emit a light that I personally try to emulate.
Today, I want to explore how we ourselves can develop this superhero strength of kindness.
I believe that anger has two components:
- What we feel
- What we do with our feelings
We all feel anger, but there is a key difference between those who feel their anger and pass that feeling on and those that process it in a healthy way.
Today, I want to teach you how to convince yourself that anger is not the best path for us to deal with our emotions. If part of us thinks our anger is justified, we end up giving ourselves permission to express our anger. The more we give our minds permission to get angry at others, the more we’ll end up lashing out at others.
I think we can all agree that angry outbursts, especially when we’re intoxicated, are incredibly unhealthy and never produce the outcome we want. This is because when we’re intoxicated, we don’t have much of a filter, so it’s difficult to censor ourselves. This not only leads to hurting others, but it also can lead to unhappiness.
People who overcome this must retrain their minds to believe that anger is the path of unhappiness. This is across the board in all situations, meaning there are no exceptions. This doesn’t mean you no longer can feel that anger, but it’s important to find a different way to express it.
So how do we choose kindness in moments when we’re feeling angry?
The key here is that we must make the decision every day to believe that unkindness is a poison that we don’t want to drink or pass on to anyone else. This doesn’t mean we should allow people to walk all over us but it’s important that we find ways to stand up for ourselves in a kind, respectable way. When people do this, what they find is a lot more happiness in their hearts because they have learned how to quickly let their anger go.
Now, you might disagree with me. And that is okay! However, I hope you take one thing from this – choosing kindness or anger can lead to more happiness, which as you all know, is the ultimate goal of this podcast and blog. How to receive more happiness out of life.
Now let’s talk about some tangible ways to let our kindness override our anger.
First, when we mess up and we’re unkind with our words and actions, it’s important to practice kindness towards ourselves. Being angry towards ourselves perpetuates the cycle of practicing cruelty. The way we break that cycle is by practicing kindness towards ourselves. A lot of the time, people are unkind because that’s how they’ve been conditioned to communicate and express their emotions. Most of us are not unkind, we’re simply conditioned to be cruel when we’re angry. When we practice kindness with ourselves, we’re reconditioning ourselves to be kind in all situations.
Second, we don’t have a handle on what emotions arise from us, but what we can do is stop and observe our emotions. When we get good at this practice, it may sound like this internal dialogue, “this person has made me very upset and I want to give them a piece of my mind. But, I vowed to let my kindness shine through always, so what can I do?”
Sometimes all we need to do is take a big breath in and out, or maybe we need to physically remove ourselves from the situation to keeo our cool. Sometimes when we take a breath or walk away, we gain the space we need to calm down and let the anger dissipate. As a result, we save ourselves from causing damage or hurt to the other person.
I understand if you feel skeptical, and this is why I urge you to try it for yourself. What you might find is a newfound love of self and life.
Sometimes we’re in situations where we are not able to leave. When we’re in those moments, it’s important to be quiet with yourself and focus on your own breath, and calming your heart. If you have the option, taking a long walk can help make you feel better. What you might find on the other side of that silence or walk is a lighter heart.
I remember once, a person years ago said something very unkind to me. I was going on a solo backpacking trip that day and allowed myself to feel my feelings, work through that anger, and then set it free. It is possible to take a hot moment filled with anger and make it cooler. We just have to do something to make this happen.
Third, we can look at anger in a different way to gain an alternative perspective. Have you heard the saying an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind? This means that if we treat someone a certain way just because they’ve treated us a certain way, then the whole world will be filled with more anger and less happiness. Instead, we can train ourselves to not be upset at the person, but rather their conditioning.
Lastly, we need to practice kindness throughout the day to embed it in our DNA. We can see the world as an opportunity to practice kindness. When people are rude, we remove ourselves or go for a walk. Or, maybe eventually, we say something kind back in response. Perhaps that kindness may turn that person’s day around.
As a reminder, anger is okay. It’s what we do with that anger that matters. When we realize that we have control over how we react and can choose a path of kindness to enrich our lives with happiness, that’s when we are able to bring real beauty into our lives.
Social media helps keep people connected, but it also has negative side effects. It helps people say cruel things with the armor of a cell phone screen between themselves and the victim. Some people may react by being cruel themselves, and the cycle of cruelty and harm continues. But, there are of course people who choose to not let outside forces affect their own well-being. I call these people superheroes because I think these are the people we should look up to. Generally speaking, their lives are usually better and they emit a light that I personally try to emulate.
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