The Power of Words and Labels
Words and labels possess immense power, shaping our experiences. The words we choose for our internal dialogue significantly impact our well-being.
The Impact of Loss and Sadness
To illuminate this concept, let’s explore a common scenario. Most individuals will, at some point in their lives, face the loss of a parent. This loss can be a deeply tragic event, especially if a close bond existed with the parent. A prevalent emotional response to such a loss is sadness.
The Transient Nature of Emotions
For most people, this sadness is not an inherent part of their identity but rather a transient experience, a phase that will eventually pass, leading to healing and recovery. While the memory and longing may persist, the acute sadness diminishes over time.
The Perpetuation of Negative Labels
However, for some individuals, the sadness intensifies, becoming overwhelming and giving rise to thoughts like, “I’m a depressed person. I’m not okay. Will this ever end? There must be something wrong with me.” Regrettably, these internalized labels can perpetuate the depression, as they reinforce a self-perception of being fundamentally depressed.
The Power of Self-Concept
Let’s consider another example that might resonate. Many women experience weight gain during pregnancy, a natural occurrence. Yet, some women swiftly shed the extra pounds through exercise and diet, often regaining their pre-pregnancy physique within months. This is because they do not perceive themselves as inherently overweight but rather view the weight gain as a temporary anomaly. Their self-concept revolves around fitness and health, prompting them to revert to their active lifestyle.
Emotions as Transient Experiences
When it comes to emotions, a similar phenomenon occurs. Imagine losing a job, a common experience for many people throughout their careers. Most individuals respond by actively seeking new opportunities, exploring alternative career paths, or pursuing further education. However, we may know someone who never fully recovered from such a setback. They may have spiraled into self-doubt, engaging in detrimental behaviors and struggling to regain their sense of purpose and self-worth. This downward trajectory can be attributed, in part, to internalizing the label of failure, which then influences their actions and choices.
The Importance of Challenging Labels
In my extensive experience as a clinical psychologist, I frequently encounter individuals who identify themselves as depressed or anxious, seeking help and solutions. A crucial early step in their treatment often involves challenging these labels, emphasizing that they are not inherently depressed or anxious but rather experiencing these emotions.
Labeling as a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Labeling ourselves can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we identify with a label, we tend to embody it, reinforcing the very traits we wish to avoid. The truth is, emotions are transient, coming and going like waves. For an emotion to linger, it requires sustenance, a continuous supply of fuel.
The Analogy of the Campfire and Emotions
Consider the analogy of a campfire. A mesmerizing blaze in the twilight eventually dwindles to embers by morning.Without additional wood, the fire cannot sustain itself. Emotions function similarly. Witnessing a terrifying scene in a movie may evoke intense fear, yet once the film ends, the fear dissipates. The absence of stimuli allows the emotion to fade away.
The Eeyore Effect
Individuals who consistently experience depression, sadness, or anxiety inadvertently perpetuate these feelings by feeding them. Take Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, a perpetually gloomy character. Eeyore actively seeks negativity, focusing on the downsides of situations and reinforcing his melancholic disposition. However, with the support of his friends, Eeyore can emerge from his sadness and experience joy. By altering his behavior and interactions, Eeyore transforms from a depressed stuffed animal to a happy one.
Shifting Our Focus
While fictional, this example holds valuable insights. Consider someone you know who struggles with sadness. Perhaps it’s even you. During a beloved movie, the sadness vanishes, replaced by enjoyment and happiness. The shift occurs because the focus is on the movie, not the label of “sad person.” However, upon leaving the theater, the sadness may return as those thoughts resurface.
You Are Not Your Emotions
The key takeaway is this: You are not inherently sad, depressed, or anxious. These emotions may visit you, but they do not define you. By refusing to internalize the labels, you create space for alternative emotions and actively work towards letting go of negativity.
The Blue Sky Within
Imagine a day when the sun is hidden behind a relentless barrage of clouds. The gloomy weather might dampen your mood, but you understand that this is temporary. The sun will inevitably return because the vast blue sky is the constant, and the clouds are fleeting. Similarly, a cloudy day might evoke a sense of sadness, but it won’t define you as a perpetually depressed person. The clouds will eventually part.
Finding Peace in Stillness
Now, envision yourself as that boundless, azure sky. In moments of stillness, when thoughts subside, a sense of peace emerges. If you’ve practiced meditation, you know the profound tranquility that arises when the mind quiets. For decades, I’ve meditated twice daily, reaping its benefits. When the mental chatter ceases, even for a fleeting moment, a realization dawns: “Life is good. I feel at peace.”
The Power of Thoughts and Emotions
Throughout our waking hours, our minds buzz with thoughts. While some thoughts are positive, others can be negative or neutral. These thoughts directly influence our emotions. When negative feelings like sadness, anxiety, or depression arise, it’s crucial to avoid labeling ourselves as inherently sad, anxious, or depressed. Such labels act like a powerful force, preventing the emotional clouds from dissipating, even though the clear blue sky of our true selves remains hidden behind them. Our thoughts, when fixated on negativity, become the fuel that sustains these clouds.
The Respite of Sleep and the Return of Negativity
Consider the respite of sleep. When our thoughts quiet down during slumber, we often wake up feeling refreshed and positive. Unfortunately, this positive state can quickly fade as we resume our daily routines and negative thoughts resurface, reigniting the emotional storm.
Shifting Perceptions and the Power of Perspective
To further illustrate this point, imagine being deeply in love or having a cherished friend. If this person forgets your birthday, it might evoke sadness or hurt. A sudden shift in perception can occur, transforming the way we see someone dear to us. The person we once adored and enjoyed spending time with can become, in our minds, a “jerk.” Doubts creep in: “Do they really like me? Do they care? Is it all a facade?” Regrettably, as long as these thoughts persist, they hold a semblance of truth in our subjective experience.
The reality might be far different. Perhaps they didn’t forget your birthday at all but intended to surprise you with a special celebration the following day, believing it would be even more meaningful if they feigned forgetfulness. Our thoughts and emotions wield considerable power, shaping our feelings and perceptions.
The Transient Nature of Negative Thoughts and Feelings
The good news is that these negative thoughts and feelings are not permanent. They, too, shall pass. Any emotion we experience, be it fleeting joy or lingering sadness, is inherently transient. Like dark clouds in the sky, emotions will inevitably pass. By refusing to dwell on negative emotions, seeking solutions, or simply observing them with detachment and returning to the present moment, we can facilitate their departure.
Taking Action: Identifying and Shifting Focus
Two essential actions are required: First, we must identify how we might be inadvertently fueling these negative emotions. Are our thoughts and actions perpetuating the negativity? Negative emotions require sustenance; they are not our natural state. Our inherent state is one of peace. Recognizing this allows us to consciously choose not to feed the negativity any longer.
The second action involves shifting our focus. Our minds can only concentrate on one thing at a time. By acknowledging the negative emotions we’re experiencing, we can step back and become the observer of these emotions,recognizing that they do not define us. Engaging in alternative activities, such as calling a friend or taking a walk,diverts our attention and starves the negative emotions of their fuel.
The Power of Intervention: A Case Study
As proof of this concept, consider my experience working with suicidal individuals. When a client expresses suicidal thoughts, I often suggest a simple yet powerful intervention: a long walk outside, paying close attention to their surroundings. I encourage them to call me back if their suicidal urge persists after the walk. In over 30 years of practice,I have never received that second call, nor have any of my clients taken their own lives.
The Potential for Beautiful Lives
We all have the potential to lead beautiful lives, but it requires effort and awareness. Emotions can feel overwhelming,but by recognizing that we are not our emotions but rather the observers of them, we can navigate through challenging times. Remember, “this too shall pass.” When the clouds seem darkest, hold onto the knowledge that they will eventually give way to the clear blue sky that always exists within us.
The Resilience of the Human Spirit
No matter the crisis, no matter the struggle, we can persevere. We can all create beautiful lives. It takes work, but the rewards are immeasurable. When the clouds gather, remember, this too shall pass.
